Hey sweet human! Come in, come in. Stop spitting on your finger and wiping my face. They’re freckles, not dirt.
What’s that? Why yes, I did have a fine time in Maui. It was my first time in Hawaii, so I learned what I love and what I don’t. Helicopter trip – cool but nauseating. Luau – cheesy and too expensive. Snorkeling tour – DING DING DING! More of these, please! Whale watching – YES! I even know what the peduncle arch is now. I know it sounds like a feline ‘come hither’ ritual, but it’s not.
Our fab receptionist at x929, Kristina, asked me how I ended up doing food-wise because it wasn’t clear in my last blog. She’s right! That’s because when I wrote it, I was in the throes of a perhaps-a-tad-bit-dramatic food crisis.
After two days of holiday discipline, I very uncomfortably came to a decision to treat myself. There was a part of my brain stage-whispering to me, “If you eat poorly/too much, it’s all over. You’ll be like the alcoholic who has that one drink. Hop on board your downward spiral, babe. Rock bottom is imminent. You will gain back ALL the weight immediately. Hope you’re wearing stretch pants.”
I tempted fat(e) by deciding that if Hawaiian culinary delights were to be had, I would have them. The homemade bread at Basil Tomato’s? Yes, please. Chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, macadamia-nut-crusted mahi-mahi, chi chis made with macadamia-nut liqueur, macadamia chocolate ice cream, plain macadamia nuts, macadamia nuts that had fallen in the sand? Uh… absolutely!
I jokingly refer to this as my ‘meth binge.’ Though my meth experience is limited to being a devoted fan of Breaking Bad, this article (and anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of addiction) states, “Food addiction … should be treated like alcohol and drug dependency.” Damn right! Are macadamia nuts on their list of most addictive foods? NO! HA! That’ll cut down on the food detox time.
Looking over the last couple of months, I haven’t been losing as much Lori as I’d like. While it would be satisfying and predictable to lose the optimal amount of two pounds weekly, real life and being human tends to skew the hell out of those plans. However, after a holiday, a pseudo identity crisis and significant nut consumption, I feel fresh, strong and motivated to get moving towards an even healthier me.
While I’m not a supporter of weighing one’s self more than weekly, I had to check when I got home on Sunday. I had gained 5.3 pounds. I know, right? Then Monday, I’d lost 2.8 pounds. Sure, makes total sense (wtf?). Yesterday, I’d lost another .1 pound. If I get out of this debacle with a 2 pound or less gain after a week of nut hoarding (don’t even), there’s a chance if you x-ray my rump, you’ll discover horseshoes.
OH MAN! I apologize to all the shoeless horses out there, you guys. Turns out since last weigh in, I’ve actually LOST .7 of a pound. I guess those 3 days of post-vacation salad eating and treadmilling paid off. Eff yeah!
Thanks for being here. You’re really quite lovely.
P.S. If you ever go to Maui, take a cruise on the Hula Girl. Amazing.